If I were President...

Have you ever thought what you would do if you were President of the United States? It's been on my brain lately, especially during this politically polarized presidential election that is coming up. My mom recently gave me a HUGE scrapbook that she put together of my growing up years and I found this newspaper clipping of when I was in second grade. I vaguely remember getting my picture taken for the article, but I do remember writing about what I would have done as president when I was a second grader [boxed in red]:

"I promise I will be honest. I will see 100 people everyday. I will let children have candy free if they do their homework. I will stop the wars. My punishments will be for the children is no candy. I will make lots of speeches. I will save slaves."

Not bad. Let's break it down. It's important to be honest, so that's good. Seeing 100 people everyday shows that I'm a people person, one of them, that I understand them, so that's good. Now let's see, free candy for doing homework. Hmmm...that may not fly since kids don't vote. And I don't know what the children are being punished for, but they get no candy, and that's OK again as kids don't vote. Man, candy must have been really important to me when I was seven, but I don't remember receiving so much candy in my childhood that having no candy would be devastating. But anyway, I'd have to create a new agency in the government, the CDA - the Candy Distribution Ageny. With this new agency there would be another usless branch of government that soaks up tons of tax payers' money and makes even another demographic - helpless children - dependent on the government for their sugar fix, so the democratic vote would be a lock, because we have to THINK OF THE CHILDREN! Now where was I...oh yes, stopping the wars is good. I don't know what wars were being waged back in 1983, but there are wars being waged today. Next, presidents do have to make a lot of speeches, so I'm apparently OK with that. Um, I will save slaves - this one gets a bit tricky as it may not be the the most politically correct language and my opponent may be able to use it against me to protray me as a racist. But didn't I say I would save them? Hello? But I could put a positive spin on it that by it I mean that we are all slaves (not in the historical sense) of the government because for the first 4 to 5 months of the year, that's who we are working for by paying taxes. (This could potenitally contradict my funding of the CDA, but I'm pretty sure it would get overlooked).

Wow. When you break it down, that's a hard platform to beat! Obama has nothing on this and I only have slightly less experience.