According to the 2008 statistical reports of the LDS church there are over 28,000 wards/branches around the world. Let's assume each ward averages....say, 35 children. I know, that's maybe low, but we're assuming. Ok, 35 children multiplied by 28,000 equals right around one million.
Odds are at least one of those kids in more than one of those chapels pukes every Sunday. In the past three years in my current building I distinctly remember three pukings. The third was last Sunday. I will always remember it because out of all those million kids in all those thousands of buildings, the kid that puked was mine.
The administration of the Sacrament was just coming to a close. It was pretty quiet especially for our ward which isn't. Ever. (We have WAY more than 35 kids...in diapers.) I was holding my blonde Dutch Baby when I felt her stomach heave. I cupped my hand under her chin and kind of froze/prayed that I was somewhere else- like maybe in my bed. But then she heaved again. I picked her up and bolted.
From my second-row bench I ran to the front side door and as I pushed open the door with my hip to go out I glanced up to see every face in the crowd on me, fascinated by the melodrama playing out before them. We were the half-time entertainment.
Two small mercies: since she'd only had water she only puked water. No chunks, thank heavens. And since it was mainly watery her dress and my skirt caught it all.
Of course I came home and sought out my facebook friends for therapy. Their compassion was genuine since most of them had also experienced a bout of chapel vomit. My theory that it happens to someone somewhere all the time is gaining validation. Help me out. I need more research. So tell me your puke in the pews story. The worse your story the better I'll feel.
But I bet your best one can't top the one my friend Kelli coughed up:
"When I was about 9 or 10, a small group of us sang 'I am a child of God' in sacrament meeting. I'm sure glad I was in the back row, since the boy next to me had an issue. When we started the second verse...'I am a child of Go......(barf barf)'...all over one of the girls in the row in front of us. It went all over her head and down her face. The worst part, though....
she finished singing the entire song! Seriously. Aren't you glad I shared that story with you?"
16 comments:
I'm honored. Really, I am.
And isn't it always when you're in the FRONT of the chapel that these things happen? Like the time one of my boys pulled a tampon out of the diaper bag and faced the whole back of the chapel to wave it around. That's ok though, because in my nightmares, he would have pulled it out and pretended to smoke it like a cigar.
And I think that I'm never going to let me kids eat breakfast before church again. Just water. Just in case!
'me kids'? Sound like a pirate. I meant 'my kids'.
Thank you for bringing this subject up while I am in the throw up faze of my pregnancy. I got a little woozy reading it.
Candice, maybe you will be the next one to throw up at church! Lucky.
I'm not sure I will have the strength to cup my hand over my baby's mouth while she is puking. Unless I want to join in with the puking as I'm running out the door. All those eyes would really be on me then!
My son was probably one of those mentioned that you witnessed puking at church (2nd row on the left in case you want to avoid the bench). He puked one week after our neighbor's son initiated the same bench. I was speaking at the time on my first assignment for the stake primary. After I witnessed the disgusting episode, my mind was blank and my talk was shortened significantly. The high councilman gave me a surprised look when I ended my talk and left the stand!
Jen, our episode occurred in the same bench! Must be some bad phenomenon circling that pew.
Please remind me to never sit in that bench! I don't need that! I already told you my puking story on FB!! thankfully that's the only one so far but I have a lot of years ahead of me for more!
My story did not happen at church but in a very crowded restuarant in Texas. Olivia used to get terrilby car sick and as soon as we were seated, she started heaving so I grabbed my ever-ready ziplock bag and held it in front of her with one arm as I grabbed her around the waist with the other and hurried to the bathroom. Thankfully, the bag caught it all but seriously, the restuarant was so packed that people had to get up move their chairs so we could get through. ICKY.
My story did not happen at church but in a very crowded restuarant in Texas. Olivia used to get terrilby car sick and as soon as we were seated, she started heaving so I grabbed my ever-ready ziplock bag and held it in front of her with one arm as I grabbed her around the waist with the other and hurried to the bathroom. Thankfully, the bag caught it all but seriously, the restuarant was so packed that people had to get up move their chairs so we could get through. ICKY.
This is the funniest blog I have read. We all share the same disgusting experiences, but hide them in shame. Thank you for sharing this with us. My most recent puke story was not this past summer, but the one before. We were all infected from crypto sporidium from the swimming pools in Utah. Someone was throwing up every day for about 2 weeks. The 2 most memoriable were at the rodeo, the lady sitting in front of us got it on the back of her head & then down her back. The other was at the stake presidents office. Our son returned from his mission & was being released. We had a grandchild with us & we tried to clean up the couch & floor in his office. Always making a good impression whereever we go.
Awesome story. I have NEVER seen someone chuck at church.
I do remember watching Sandlot at the cheap theater in Rexburg. Candice, if you are reading this go rent Sandlot and your gag reflex will have a workout. So anyway, they find chewing tobacco and EAT it cuz they're dumb, then go on a carnival ride and chuck everywhere. I was dry heaving in the aisle, but thankfully never lost it.
Too funny! We've never had a puking incident, but a few weeks ago my Claire was snacking on dry Cheerios in Sacrament Meeting and sneezed with her mouth full. Little bits of chewed up Cheerios sprayed all over the boy sitting in front of us. We sat there the rest of the meeting trying not to laugh that he unknowingly had Cheerio chunks in his hair!
Like I said, swine flu...
i've been to one concert....DONNY OSMOND! it was a few years back, and all the audience was born in the 50's! We went with David's parents...it was funny to watch all these older ladies so excited and jamming to the music that...sigh...Donny performed. It was just about as fun as any U2 concert...I would imagine! the place didn't smell like pot though...more like some type of medical ointment!
whoops...just posted on the wrong post...but that shouldn't surprise you. we've been lucky to not have that wonderful surprise in church, but it did happen in Famous Footwear...I caught most of it on my shirt, but she also got a few of the display shoe. David had to go next door to the Nord. rack to get me and Kaylee some new clothes. that was a memory!
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